I had not been planning on going to see the eclipse. In fact, it was two days before and I hadn’t even bought solar glasses (and knew I probably wouldn’t be finding any at this point). But the Sunday before, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I tend to have the personality that has to “do it all” and “see it all.” If something cool is going on – then I’ve got to be there. I can’t miss out! However, I also have three young children which has increased my overall anxiety and I’m trying to be more attentive to those needs of mine. So the thought of fighting hours and hours of traffic with said children in the car with me and no other adult to help should anything go wrong (or just a lot of crying happening) was seriously not appealing to me. I tried telling myself it would be fine, I could always “chase” another solar eclipse another time in my life. In fact, I told Adam, “If I don’t get to see this one, I’ll just add it to my bucket list!”

…..But what’s the point of a bucket list if you don’t chase after it?

I went back and forth all Sunday long. Trying to tell myself to chill out, it will be totally fine to just stay home and not have to worry about it. But I literally could not shake the feeling that I would seriously regret not being there if I didn’t just go now – this would probably be the easiest time in my life to see it. My mom literally lived in the path of totality…on and on it went. I texted a few friends of mine who were driving up that way or who lived up there and asked about traffic and they all said it was running smoothly. Finally at 6pm I made a gut decision and threw random supplies and clothes into the car, packed the kids in, and went for it. The traffic was just fine getting there.

The next morning I needed to drive into town with Michael to pick something up and the whole time I was completely nervous that we would, again, get stuck in traffic and have to view the eclipse while on the road (after driving the whole way up there!) But once again I was overstressing and we made it back in plenty of time. However, while we were driving Michael seemed pretty nonchalant about this whole eclipse thing. He seemed to think people were making too big of a deal over it, and made the comment that he wasn’t sure he would have driven the four hours up that I did to witness it. I told him, “You know, I think you’re underestimating JUST HOW COOL this is going to be…..”

My three year old was pretty unimpressed with the whole thing, and I literally had to bribe him to look at the sun. “Just put these on and look ONE more time and then, yes, I will put the rocks in the wagon for you.” Axton was pretty thrilled about the whole thing, so it was worth it to have him experience it. Adam had been one to encourage me to go, telling me that “Axton will remember this for the rest of his life.”

As the sun started to hide behind the moon, the colors around us began to shift. As a photographer, I have trained myself to notice color casts, reflections, etc, so I was especially sensitive to the changes in tone and texture of the light. It was positively goosebump-inducing. I was also absolutely in awe over just how POWERFUL the sun is. Even when just the slightest hairline sliver of the sun was showing, my eyes could not behold it. The brightness still stung and I could not dare peek.

In the few seconds before totality, the entire air around us changed. The miles of people around us, we all breathed the same breath of anticipation. We became one baited body, gasping around us and barely grasping the enormity of the cosmos. We all rose in one voice of excitement, shouts and screams of awe. The moment that black circle snapped over the sun and the world around us became as night, I felt my eyes well up with tears. I had been one to scream along with the rest, but now I gathered my boys around me and tried to explain to them how COOL THIS IS!!!!! Rhenner was no longer bored, but had finally realized why we all cared so much about watching the sun all morning long. Michael shouted at me to take a picture and I couldn’t even grasp my camera without my hands shaking — You guys!! I have photographed babies coming out of women’s bodies and people sharing their first kiss as husband and wife and my hands have still not shaken that bad!!! It was completely overwhelming. Those two minutes went too fast, and suddenly the light was flooding back and we could no longer stare at the sky. The color casts and temperature changes were happening in reverse, and we all came out of our trance. We stepped out of this strange, other world we had become a part of and tried to understand what had just happened.

I was right – Michael had TOTALLY underestimated how amazing this would be. But I think, to some extent, we all had.

 

 

I can’t write about this experience without also sharing the thoughts I’ve had about it since then. When Joseph Smith is praying to know which church to join, he tells of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ visiting him in the grove. He says, “I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.”

Above the brightness of the sun.

I had just witnessed for myself, exactly how bright that sun was. So bright that even a sliver of it peeking out from behind the moon was far too bright for me to even try to glance at it. And yet, here is Jesus Christ, brighter far, than even that. How powerful! How glorious it will be to see Him for myself one day! And yet….I now have a better understanding that it will not be with my imperfect, physical body. My physical eyes will not be able to behold Him. Not as they are now. No, I will need to be changed, transformed. I think this is another reason I was so emotional as I witnessed the eclipse. I began to understand just a small part of the grandness and the glory of our creator, and just how far I still have to go before I am changed – completely reborn – enough to be in His presence!