The last few months I’ve felt like I was climbing an uphill battle. I felt like I was constantly needing to defend my decision to build up my photography business when I already have a lot going on in my life. Adam and I have had a few serious chats in the recent past about where I wanted my business to go, how it would fit into our lives, how we were going to balance it all, and, most important to Adam, what I was personally gaining by running this business. I have also had my mom visiting us for the past 4 weeks. She has seen first hand how crazy our house gets, how little time I have to eat (I don’t eat healthy), how little time I have to sleep (I average 6 hours a night), and how little time I have to clean (I don’t….That’s it. I don’t clean). And so she has, in a concerned, motherly way, been trying to convince me to scale back my sessions and my efforts in building my business.

These thoughts have been on my mind a lot. It’s an important question to consider as a wife, a stay-at-home mom, and as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I’ve been feeling a little bit like I’ve had to defend my decision to work. I’ve been feeling like I’m somehow making a selfish decision by wanting to devote a large portion of my time and energy to something outside of the home – that I’m just doing it for me, so I “have a break” or a creative outlet.

But deep down, I knew that wasn’t true. I knew that that was not the driving force behind why I love being a photographer. I know it’s not the money (I’m not making very much). I know it’s not just for a chance to get out of the house (a lot of my time is spent inside. In front of a computer. At home). And I definitely know it’s not for the fame, because that’s certainly not happening. I couldn’t explain myself very well to my friends and family and was internally struggling with that battle.

This past Thursday evening I attended a conference with Katelyn James and Amy and Jordan Demos. You all probably know by now how big of a Katelyn fan I am but I was also super excited to meet Amy and Jordan. They are the most adorable husband and wife photographer team and create some seriously stunning photographs!

When we first started talking with Jordan, both Sarah and I were surprised at how easy it was to talk to him. Sarah turned to me after he walked away and said, “How can he be so genuine when he has been talking to a hundred other people tonight?” Amy and Jordan gave a presentation that, from the title, I believed was going to be on how to improve your social media posts and following. I was so wrong.  I don’t even know what I was expecting to hear from them – but it definitely wasn’t what they gave me. I think I was expecting to be told specifics on how and what to post. And while they did talk about that, it certainly wasn’t what I took away from their presentation. Instead, I had a complete mind shift on how to treat people and my business. I was seriously impressed with Jordan’s ability to whip out book titles, authors’ names, dates, and other specific facts like he had it written on the back of his hand. He is obviously super intelligent and I loved hearing all of their book recommendations (since I’m a serious reader, too!) I was also absolutely caught off guard when, at the end of everything, Jordan and Amy asked us to think about who has sacrificed in order for us to be where we are in our lives. Jordan went on to tell us that he called up his mom and thanked her for giving up her dreams so he could be living out his right now. As if I wasn’t teary-eyed already, they then thanked every parent in the room that night for putting our children first and telling us to keep pushing through the tough times. I can’t tell you how amazing it was to be told by someone that I was doing a good job and that it was okay for me to be doing both – to want to run my business AND be a mom. To not only BE doing both, but to be GOOD at doing both.

Katelyn was up next. I think I could sit and listen to Katelyn talk all day long. I’ve read a lot of her blog and I’ve watched a lot of her videos. I’ve been in her home and participated in a two-day workshop with over 20 hours of teaching involved. But I think this night was the most vulnerable and raw I’ve ever seen her, and it truly was powerful. I was practically sobbing by the end of her talk. She was so honest about her insecurities, her dreams, her desires, her love for God, and her heart. Her words confirmed to me everything I’ve been trying to sort out in my head: What I’m doing matters. What I’m doing is a righteous desire. What I’m doing makes a difference in other peoples’ lives. I left that meeting feeling assured that my talent was given to me a reason. I left knowing that God has given me a mission to fulfill on this earth and that photography – and the people I meet through my photography business – happens to be a part of it. A BIG part of it.

After the conference was over, Sarah and I had a two hour car ride ahead of us. We were both already yawning before we even got into the car. We quickly drove to the freeway….only to be slapped in the face with miles and miles of traffic. We moved a third of a mile in 45 minutes. Our two hour drive turned into 4 hours of stop and go traffic.

But you know what? We blasted our music, threw our hands in the air, and had the first Car Dance Party I’ve had in a very long time. We stopped for gas, apple juice, and M&M’s (and found out we both like Pretzel M&M’s the most) and kept going. Mile after slow mile. When the grooves started slowing down and the yawns came back, we fought hard and changed our tunes to Disney classics. We belted out Frozen, Tangled…even had a little Aladdin duet going on. We pulled into my driveway finishing up “Colors of the Wind.” I felt a little delirious, but also so happy I had made the decision to go to this conference!

Sarah and I have also decided to start our own little “Business Book Club” and read some of the books that were mentioned during the conference. We’re starting with How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. If anyone wants to join us, leave a comment! I’d love to hear what others think, too!