When December rolled around, I – like the majority of the blogging world – began to think about my 2016 goals, both personal and business-related. “Luckily” for me, my blog stopped working right around that time, giving me a whole extra month to think about it 😉 Good thing, too because I needed it! I’d been trying to come up with my “one word” for the year, as a I know a lot of people do instead of coming up with super specific goals.

After watching the October General Conference, I immediately took the advice of one of my favorite talks from the conference, “What Lack I Yet?” from Larry R. Lawrence. I did as he said, and got on my knees and humbly asked the Lord what was keeping me from spiritually (or physically. or Financially. Or intellectually.) progressing? I was, as Lawrence mentioned in his talk others had been, completely shocked by the answer the Spirit told me. In fact, after the answer came to me, I shook my head and said, “That can’t be it. Let me ask again.” But before I could get my question out for the second time, I was interrupted by the same word coming to my mind once again.

Patience. 

But I AM patient! I contested. But throughout the next few days, I took notice of how much improvement I actually did need in my ability to have patience. Patience seems to have been “my word” for the last part of 2015, and since I don’t think I’ve quite perfected that attribute yet, perhaps I will add it to next year’s list, as well.

Still, I wanted something else. I kept searching for it – testing out and trying different words, different ideas. I have lots of concrete goals, things I want for myself, my family, my business, my church calling.

But I was still searching for a theme to guide my 2016

Near the end of the 2015 year, a friend of mine posted a photo of the goals her six-year-old son had listed on a piece of paper.

Goals

Be hyhapp (happy)

Be nicer

Someone had commented on the photo, “Goals we could all stand to put on our lists!”

I haven’t stopped thinking about that white piece of paper and sloppy hand-writing this whole month, and I keep reciting it in my mind. Except, I add one more thing to the bottom of the list: Put God first. 

I didn’t find my “word of the year” – instead, my motto for the year found me!

Be Happy – I know, without a doubt, that clinical depression is a real thing; a chemical imbalance in the brain. An actual inability to “just be happy.” I’m not talking about that – I’m talking about the rest of us. I’m talking about me. For me, I know happiness is a choice. An effort I have to consciously make.

This past Thanksgiving, Adam and my holiday desires did not get communicated to each other. We had a great day…until somehow we ended up eating our Thanksgiving feast at the drive-thru of McDonald’s (of all places!) boiling angry at each other (I believe at one point I actually said, “Fine, I’m not talking to you for the rest of the night!” and crossed my arms over my chest). About halfway through our drive home, I thought about how ridiculous this all was, and I tried to be super cheerful. My chipper attitude, however, didn’t work on Adam, so I quickly gave up, angrier than I was before, and this time with hurt feelings.

But still I fought it – the crankiness. I didn’t want to be angry anymore, even if Adam was.

That’s when I had the realization — I don’t have to be. 

“You know what? Go ahead and be cranky. I don’t care. I’m not going to be grumpy  just because you are.”

I don’t tell this story to make Adam look bad – we both were in the wrong. But I do tell this story to explain the first time I realized that it’s okay to not give my happiness to someone else – to not let others’ emotions affect my own.

My friend Michelle posted this quote recently, and it goes along exactly with what my thoughts were trying to process:

Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket – keep it in your own.

There has to be a balance between being concerned for the happiness of your family and allowing them to have control over your emotions. This is such a hard lesson to grasp, especially within marriage, but I’ve decided that I can no longer allow other people’s emotions to affect my own. I must have control over my own happiness! Regardless of my circumstances, regardless of my children’s and husband’s actions and reactions, regardless of my business plans not going as I’ve hoped….I must choose happiness!

Be Nice – Sounds so simple, doesn’t it? But what about when a client cancels on me last minute? What about when someone cuts me off in traffic? What about when Rhenner is whining nonstop at the end of a long, long day? What about when all I want to do is respond with my natural instinct – be rude, get mad, withhold love? I can’t tell you how many times in the last few weeks I’ve had something unfortunate happen to me, and I wanted to react quickly and selfishly, handing out a “piece of my mind” or speaking crossly – when I had the words Be nice! flash across my mind. My heart would soften – begrudgingly, at first, sometimes – and I would stop and think about how I would want someone else to respond to me if the roles had been reversed. My responses have become more understanding, softer, calmer. Treat others the way you want to be treated – we all know this. I’m trying harder to act this.

Put God first. I know there will be times of frustration, pain, heartache, and disappointment during this next year. My hope is that, in those moments of despair I will be able to ask myself, “How am I doing with putting God first?”  Or more specifically,

Am I making time for scriptures and prayer every day?
Am I contributing tithing and fast offerings every month?
Am I making the Sabbath a delight by keeping it holy?
Am I fulfilling my calling with the Young Women to the best of my ability?
Am I making opportunities to teach my children the gospel in their every day lives?
Am I living my life in such a way that the spirit can guide me in all my decisions?

If I can answer Yes (or at least “I’m trying really hard!”) to these questions, then – and only then – will I know that I’m putting God first. And I have promises from God Himself that when we put Him first, everything else will work for our good.

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.” (President Ezra Taft Benson, “The Great Commandment – Love the Lord“)

And, finally, if we’re continuing with the end of last year’s word – – –

Have patience. 

The bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.