My week leading up to Mother’s Day was not only extremely busy, it was also filled with some difficult personal issues that I’m still sorting out. This meant that I really didn’t give Mother’s Day the type of deep thinking I usually associate with a nostalgic holiday such as this one. Instead what I found myself thinking about was the people I was photographing in the days before Mother’s Day.

On Thursday, I watched as a beautiful, red-headed bride exited the LDS Washington DC Temple after being sealed (married) to her husband for what we Mormons believe is not just a marriage that lasts on Earth, but can last throughout the eternities. Two days later, on Saturday, I watched the most beautiful couple, Stephanie and Joe, be supported and lifted up by their closest friends and family as they vowed to give of themselves completely to one another. In the back of my mind, I knew these two brides would forever celebrate their anniversary close to Mother’s Day. I started to think about myself as a young bride, and how motherhood has shaped and changed not only me, but also our marriage – both for better and, at times, for the worse.

Adam and I spent two blissful years married without children, getting to know each other, being each other’s whole world, and soaking up a kind of selfish obsession with each other that will probably never exist again in our lives. Putting it in such a definitive terms as that maybe comes across as sad, but I must admit that we are far better off not still being in that phase of life, allowing each other to grow beyond. Here are some things I want my brides to know before they go from just being “Wife” to also being “Mom.”

Marriage is hard – and having kids makes it harder. If you received any of the same advice as we did at the start of your marriage, then perhaps you were also told that “the first year is the hardest.” That is a lie. Unless, of course, the person giving this advice failed to include the words “The first year of your baby’s life is the hardest.” I totally get it – adjusting to married life can be strange. It can pull you in ways you don’t want to be pulled, and it sure teaches you a lot about being selfless and putting others’ needs before your own. But really, that is all just a testing grounds for what it means to be a mother. Once you become a mom – you are still a wife. You still need to work on your marriage…..while also taking care of a crying newborn of which you know nothing and have just been thrown into cluelessly!

Learning how to be parents puts more strain on your marriage than possibly anything else can! And yet…..and yet. (You knew it was coming)….

You think you love him now, but wait until you see him softly cradling your newborn. I know, I know. You’ve got major googly eyes for your studly groom right now. Things are still so fresh and new and exciting and lovesick. You think you couldn’t possibly love him anymore than what is exploding in your heart right this very moment – But just you wait.
You’ll love him more the moment you show him the two pink lines waiting at the bathroom sink.
You’ll love him more the moment when, while you lie on a hospital bed, legs spread wide, he squeezes your hand, kisses your forehead, and tells you “You can do this! We’re about to meet our baby!
You’ll love him more when you hear him whispering a choppy version of a lullaby through the closed bedroom door, the creaking of the rocking chair beneath him.
You’ll love him more when the baby becomes the toddler, and it won’t even hurt your feelings that she asks for Daddy instead of Mommy.

You will love him more, but there will be times you will forget that. You might not believe me right now, at this twitter-patted newlywed phase,  but there may come a time when suddenly husband is second place to baby. As moms, we are easily caught up in Mom guilt, mom envy, mom obsession….mom pressure, whatever it may be. Let me just say this: Put your marriage before your kids. They will thank you later.  YOU will thank you later. I think the greatest gift parents can give their children is an example of how to love selflessly in marriage, how to make up after fighting, that showing affection is natural and healthy. A happy marriage provides the type of safe and comforting home that kids crave and thrive in. Plus, once those kids are out of the house, you’ll be back to being just husband and wife in your home. If you’ve made efforts to put each other first throughout your entire marriage, then the “empty nest” transition will (hopefully!) be easier!

You won’t know it until after the fact, so you’ll just have to trust me on this one: You will look back on your life as just husband and wife,on your quiet life before kids – and a part of you may miss that time. But mostly, you will come to realize how empty life really was before your children. Parenthood, and specifically motherhood, will give you a greater meaning in life than you have ever known and nothing will ever again compare to it.

To my brides who may never bear children: If your heart is yearning for them, and your arms are still met with emptiness, know my hand is held out to you in sisterhood. Know I cry for you. Know our children still need you, desperately depend on other positive influences besides their own mothers to help lead them, guide them, raise them. You still hold powers of motherhood and maternal instincts and others around you are still blessed by your far-reaching influence. May you feel loved and appreciated, not ostracized or disheartened, on this Mother’s Day and always, is my humble prayer for you!