Well….I finally made the plunge. I finally decided I needed help with my business. I had thrown around many ideas on how to get my stress levels down and my life back under control. I felt like, something – even something small – had to give. I even considered paying for house-cleaning once a week! I am not a person who enjoys house-cleaning, or even cooking dinner a whole lot, and I gave serious thought to chucking a portion of that responsibility off to someone else, and just claiming the cost as a necessary business cost. It never felt right to do that, though, so I didn’t pursue it.

Instead, however, I decided I was going to have someone watch my boys, just one day a week. It was an extremely difficult decision to make, one I did not take lightly nor make quickly. In fact, I’ve been stewing on this idea for months now! Literally months! I had one person all lined up and I was ready to commit but they ended up falling through, so then I put it off for awhile and convinced myself I could “do it all.” But do you know what “doing it all” ended up looking like? It looks like me spending zero alone time with my husband – coming to bed hours after he has already been asleep. It looks like Axton watching tv for a few hours at a time, during every nap Rhenner takes. It looks like me sitting on my laptop, out on the front porch, while the boys entertain themselves, or sneaking the iPad into their room and sitting on the rocking chair while they play with toys. ….It looks and feels guilty. It was that age-old argument of: I can either split myself in half and try to multi-task, combining my working life with my Mom life, and never be able to fully devote my time or attention to either one…..OR I can split my TIME in half (or really, one-seventh), and keep my work tasks separate from my parenting.

I said, I’ll just try it. I’ll just see how much I can actually accomplish with a huge chunk of time devoted solely to business/office work. No distractions, no worrying about being a bad mom. So, for the past 3 weeks, the boys have gone to a friend’s house from 8am to 3pm on Mondays. My first day “at work” (lounging in my sweats on my bed with my laptop in front of me), I was so excited I forgot to eat. Literally. I ended up with a massive headache that night because I hadn’t eaten or drank anything all day, and I barely moved from that one position of staring at the screen with my neck craned. BUT!! Do you know what I got done?? I scheduled and pre-wrote blog posts, I edited sessions and delivered galleries, I caught up on the thing I am the WORST at: keeping track of my mileage, my expenses, and my income. I paid bills and updated accounts. I was so. dang. productive. And then, the most beautiful part of all? The rest of the week I felt so much lighter, so much more FREE to spend time with my children. I didn’t feel like something was always nagging at me in the back of mind, that I should be doing something else. Instead of putting a show on while Rhenner napped, I painted and played outside and played chase with Axton. I read him books and did mazes and sang songs. I had dinner ready and a meal plan written out.

I was present. I was intentional.

I’ve just as thoroughly enjoyed and made terrific use of my other two Mondays since then, as well. I’ve learned to work efficiently. Also, since I am paying money for this time on my own, I am way less inclined to waste it on Facebook or other social media.

I thought I would feel guilty spending less time with the boys (it’s really only 7 less hours out of the 168 total hours in one week) – but in fact, it’s the opposite. I feel more happy and devoted to them during the other days of the week. Does this mean I always go to bed on time now? Or that I absolutely never try to multi-task while the boys are around or awake? Of course not. But it’s way better now than it used to be, and that’s something that makes me feel good, not guilty.

So now, here’s where you can find me on Mondays. In my office. Working.

My office is humble (ahem, that’s a nice way of saying Ghetto. Actually let’s just call it Ghetto Fab. Yeah, that’s definitely what it is). My monitor sits on top of a cardboard box for heavens sake, my desk is homemade by my husband (and, in case you missed it, my desk is definitely wearing socks), and the little bookshelf is from a thrift store. I’m wearing a men’s white V-Neck (I bought a pack of 6 and rotate through them everyday) and I still haven’t showered from the run I went on this morning.

But hey, I’m a working mom.